I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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