Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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