His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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