yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
