Umm I'm too high to move.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
