It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
