its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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