Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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