May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize