It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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