Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
