Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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