then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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