I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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