playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
