i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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