I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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