just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
