Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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