oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
