Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
