I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
