I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
