my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You ruined the universe
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
