come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
