You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
