i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
