Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
