I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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