There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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