peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
