my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
