dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
