I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
