$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
