I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
