The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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