Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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