lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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