I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
