are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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