Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
