Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
