Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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