Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize