I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
