even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
