so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
