He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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