He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
