I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
