I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
