I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
