Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize