Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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