I'm jealous of your bromance
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
