I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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