I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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