YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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