dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
