I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
