The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
