I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
