you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize