I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
