There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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