I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
