How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
