Will you blow on my dice?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
