im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
