he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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