I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
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