oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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