Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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