It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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