he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
